Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
