he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
