Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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