no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
