I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
