Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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