we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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