I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
