where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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