Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
