Porn is love you can see.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
