My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
