Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
