xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
