my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
