I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
