Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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