hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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