stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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