i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
