A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
