I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
