she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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