I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
