I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
