Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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