my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
