we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
