apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
