omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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