....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
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