he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
