my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
