Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Ladies don't puke and tell
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
