I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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