Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
