if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
