Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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