How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
