ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
