Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
