i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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