I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
