I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
