How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
