We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Boobs are out for the taking
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
