I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
