Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
