She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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