I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
