I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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