I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
